There’s a odd thing about the internet. It has a keen eye for remembering a lot of things. Things unimportant and things we want to forget. It has a habit, however, of forgetting the things that I have forgotten but want to remember.
Nostalgia’s an odd thing. To think back to times before as if it was all happy and joy. But I know better, I can still faintly taste that sadness and anxiety of yesteryear. It tastes much the same as today. But it is nice to remember back on the small, little things that made me happy. Sadly, enough time is starting to pass that its all disappearing. YT vids taken down, logins forgotten, accounts deleted, websites left to rot until the registrar takes them back to the void. Most importantly though, people die. A strange thing to actively acknowledge the thing you enjoy was made with the love and care of a real person. Its another thing entirely to acknowledge their death and to know that that item is what is left of them. And then its another thing entirely to come to terms and accept that you never really did know them. That your attachment is a parasocial relationship. You never interacted with them at all. They never knew you existed. They never will.
So, although likely no one will ever care, I did save this site to the Wayback Machine. It gives me comfort sometimes to revisit old sites and see pages that used to consume my time entirely after school but that now are changed or dead. Cakebomb.co.uk is one site. One day, should Neocities ever die and I’ll need to find another host, I’ll set the site up to be mostly viewable in the Wayback Machine and hopefully continue for years without me interfering with it. If there be just one person out there who would want to revisit this kludgefest and it would make them happy, then its well worth the effort.
All in all, I think this depressive episode about things long past has been made worse by the stress of this semester of Uni and the weather. As much as I actually like chilly fall days, I do fall into the trap of seasonal depression as well. I like the cold but only if I’m bundled up good. haha.
Hopefully the next blog post will be either less wordy or more upbeat. I have a terrible habit of only writing things when I’m in a sour mood. Y’all should see my journals, you would think I’m the reincarnation of Edgar Allen Poe! I swear I’m not that moody in real life. I made a DOOM WAD for Hakron 4.0 but ended up so caffeinated I could handle finishing it. I’ll polish i up sometime and post it. Its my first WAD so it ain’t gonna be no Sigil but its nice I think. All else fails, my research paper this semester should shape up nicely and I’ll edit it a bit to post it here after it gets a grade. I’ll get you excited now by giving the title: “Japanese Infantry Rifles from Meiji to WW2.” How wonderful!